Most people think that mutual love between two partners is one of the most important life accomplishments. But, when we really think about what is necessary for a stable relationship it’s useful to look at data from research done by American psychologists on more than 21 000 couples. The research gathered information on some essential questions regarding the communication in the relationship. Couples were first graded by the factor of happiness and they divided the group into 5000 happy couples, 5000 not happy and the rest were put into a group of average happy. The research continued on the first two groups and they both received the same questions that were later compared. The comparison of the collected information brought the research to 5 conclusions that were important in the relationship.
1 – What we do together
According to the observation that in happy relationships couples were spending more time together, on statement „we can easily figure out what to do together“ agreed 86% of happy couples and only 28% of unhappy ones. At the same time, 71% of happy couples and 17% of unhappy ones said they managed to find a balance between free time they spent together and time they didn’t. For a stable relationship it’s good for every partner to have enough time for independent activities as long it doesn’t affect the time spent together, or vice versa.
Incompatibility in interests and time spent on them is mostly bad for partners in the long term, especially in later parts of a relationship when there is less physical passion and children are grown up and there is no focus on them anymore.
ADVICE. Because a good relationship is one where partners willingly spend a lot of time together, choose partners that you want to spend time with and share similar interests and not just sexual activity.
2 – Listen to me carefully
On the question if the statement is correct „your partner is a good listener“, positively responded 83% of the happy couples and only 18% of unhappy ones. Obviously, a good listening of your partner contributes a lot to a good relationship.
With a statement „my partner does not understand how I feel“, 79% of the unhappy couples and only 13% of the happy ones agreed. So in just 13% of stable relationships, partners are not bothered that the other side can’t read their feelings which bring the conclusion that such emotional blindness is very negative in keeping the relationship stable.
With a statement „my partner understands and respects my opinions and attitudes”, agreed 87% of happy couples and 19% of unhappy ones. This also one of the long term traits, since in the beginning partners are in focus of other factors and don’t pay attention to deeper understanding of their partners. This can be a problem if later in the relationship partners have fundamental differences in opinions about ideologies, education, intelligence or politics. Even if the partners are very different regarding their temperament, if they understand each other and have a similar look at life, things will fall in line over time.
ADVICE. So in search for a good partner for a stable relationship, give more chances to those who will listen to you more and understand your opinions and ideas. Those traits are much more important in developing a stable relationship than just the fatal attraction and passion in the beginning.
3 – You are right, I’m sorry
That they are satisfied with how they talk to each other 90% of happy couples said yes and only 15% of unhappy ones. Undoubtedly it’s important to have normal and tolerant conversations with your partner, one of more important aspects of a good relationship. Same as constant fighting over every little thing slowly brings intolerance toward the other person.
Ask if they agree with the statement „during the disagreement, I can share feelings and ideas with a partner“, 85% of happy couples said yes, while among unhappy ones there was only 22%. Not many relationship does not require a partner’s adjustment to another, but some people don’t have the will to be more flexible or just want other people to adjust to them.
Statement „we are both equally willing to adapt in the relationship“ said they agree 87% of happy couples and 46% unhappy ones. From this statement it is visible that adaptation doesn’t save many couples from being unhappy, but most couples who are willing to adapt were much happier.
ADVICE. Inflexibility is not a good thing in a relationship. Partner unwillingness to see and acknowledge their own mistakes and bad judgements brings tension and anxiety. Quality of relationship is much better if both partners are willing to have an open conversation about things that bother them. Insisting that one person is always right brings only spite in other person, while being open to admit you are wrong and offer apology leaves other person without confrontation arguments.
4 – Money is (not) important to me
How important is the ability to agree with decisions regarding money shows the reaction to the statement „it is not difficult for us to agree around financial matters“. That this is related to their relationship agrees with 80% of happy couples and 32% unhappy ones. If one partner is more prone to spend money to satisfy their material and more prone to spending money than other partner it can grow into bitterness.
ADVICE. Differences in this area of relationship can bring that one of partners will invest a lot of time in energy into trying to keep living that lifestyle or try to find a partner that can give it to them.
5 – Sexual satisfaction
In the end the research showed that sexual satisfaction is for sure important in stable development of relationships, while disagreement in that aspect can lead to disappointment and breaking up. With their sexual life 85% of happy couples are satisfied, 29% of unhappy couples are not satisfied while 15% of couples are happy despite their sexual life lost a spark.
ADVICE. Sexual satisfaction is not an important factor in the relationship only if both partners agree on that. If one of partners is unhappy with sex in relationship it will only lead to trouble in a long way.
Happy couples are…
Psychologists claim that they can determine with more than 90% certainty if some couples are happy or not if there are these things in a relationship.
- Partners spend a lot of time together, but still have time for themself
- They are involved together in same activities
- They are capable of adapt to each other
- They can have normal conversations about things that bother them and they pay attention to what other person is telling them
- They are willing to admit a mistake and offer an apology
- They can solve their problems in an efficient and creative ways
- They agree on how money affects their relationship
- And they are compatible in sex
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